On Politics, and Learning to Say You’re Sorry.

Golly, lots of Americans in the spotlight have been having a rough week, huh? Sean Spicer, Pepsi Co., Jared Kushner — us regular Americans clearly don’t understand how hard things are for these upstanding citizens (because corporations are people too, remember?).

Just like we don’t understand United Airlines’ struggles. We’ve been super unfair to them, y’all. All they did was drag one lonely passenger off of one measly plane. Sure, he didn’t want to leave, and sure, he was a doctor who had urgent work at home, and sure, he’d already paid for his ticket, but United had employees they needed to seat, ok? We aren’t smart enough to understand what really happened.

And we’re clearly not smart enough to understand well-meaning apologies, like when United’s CEO, Oscar Munoz, offered an ‘sorry’ so half-hearted a kindergarten teacher wouldn’t have accepted it. And our unfair judgements just keep coming. When the Louisville Courier-Journal dug up irrelevant records on the passenger’s past, we sided with the bloodied passenger instead of the hard-working journalists looking to unmask the evil doctor. Don’t we understand that past actions negate a person’s right to human dignity for the rest of their life?

But our lack of compassion doesn’t stop there. How dare we be angry about Wells Fargo’s rampant account fraud? How can we so irrationally demand that the executives who encouraged it be punished? Wells Fargo already fired 5,000 of the worker bees who did the day-to-day work. So those low-level folks don’t have any actual decision-making power — they went along with the whole ‘fraud’ thing, didn’t they? And Wells Fargo got rid of them! Clearly, this is the People’s Bank — haven’t they done enough?

And last but not least, there’s our dear friend, Spicy. Oh Sean, my home skillet, what have you done? You were just trying to do your best, weren’t you? And lo, your team of weasely, Trumpian bros, per usual, left you out to dry. Forlorn and alone, in front of lots of mean journalists with a whole Syria disaster to navigate, you were just trying to do your best. And why should any of us be surprised that ‘your best’ includes Holocaust denial and a total lack of historical knowledge, empathy, or understanding?

Melissa McCarthy as Sean Spicer GIF
Too bad Spicy doesn’t get to use the podium like this in real life.

We could blame you, seeing as you’re a grown adult who — for all intents and purposes — functions as the press arm of our Executive Branch, but that wouldn’t be nice. All sorts of mean writers and TV personalities and everyday citizens make fun of you, and harangue your poor vocabulary choices, and demand that your boss be held accountable for his despicable actions and it’s just not fair! You are just trying to put on your favorite suits and stand behind the big-boy podium and say the words without being judged. And unlike your boss, you can consistently utilize words with more than 2 syllables. Clearly, we have nothing to complain about. So you forgot about the use of chemical weapons that killed 6 million Jews, and 12 million people total, including Roma, the disabled, LGBT people, political prisoners, and many, many more. I mean, that stuff’s all old news anyway, right?

Maybe you should visit one of those ‘Holocaust centers’ and find out.

— S

Day 100: April 12, 2017


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