On High School Musical, and the Nature of Nostalgia.

We did it — the big one. C and I decided that tonight was the night to tackle live-blogging a childhood classic — High School Musical. This was the high-school era movie my geeky friends and I all loved to hate, while secretly watching it more than once behind closed doors. Of course, now older and ostensibly wise, C and I had to see if it still held the same hate-watching allure. So check out our late night thoughts on this hilarious triumph of mid-2000s Disney Channel insanity.

  1. Wow, what a font.
  2. THOSE UGG BOOTS THOUGH.
  3. No one’s dad says “take it downtown”. Never.
  4. What are these moms wearing? Give me one 2000’s-era suburban mom who wore shapeless maxi skirts. Fun fact: there were none.
  5. Was there ever a bro who bro-ed harder than baby Zac Efron? Perhaps only adult Zac Efron.

    Zac Efron
    Look at Baby Zefron. Remember the time when you thought Baby Zefron was attractive. Feel shame.
  6. Scared Vanessa Hudgens is so scareedddd.
  7. HOLY AUTOTUNE BATMAN
  8. HAHAHAHAHA THE SERIOUS LOOKS ARE SO SERIOUS
  9. This music is SO MUCH STUPIDER THAN I REMEMBER. And I remember it being pretty damn stupid.
  10. Um…was the lip syncing always this blatant?
  11. OOH HE TOOK HIS JACKET OFF LET’S ALL SWOON.
  12. Mmm, I love me some out-of-time crowd clapping.
  13. I am having a really hard time picturing how this tiny, androgynous looking cherub turned into the man with these abs.Shirtless Zac Efron
  14. Why is Vanessa Hudgens groping the mike stand?!? This is a family movie!
  15. Vanessa Hudgens is seriously way too thirsty for her character.
  16. Awkward babies be awkward.
  17. OMG, the flip phones though! I feel so old.
  18. Why did Corbin Bleu just quote Buzz Lightyear in reference to high school basketball?
  19. SICK BURNS ABOUT SHARPAY, BRO.
  20. Who refers to themselves as a genius? Conceited much Vanessa?
  21. The phone bucket is so great though.

    Screenshot Cell Phone Bucket
    The struggle was always so real.
  22. Go home Jason, you’re drunk.
  23. Wow, what organic and spontaneous declarations!
  24. Seriously though, what’s Sharpay’s last name?
  25. I didn’t think that Disney Channel was allowed to show armpit hair.
  26. Ah, a sports inspired musical number. Classic.
  27. Seriously though, ARE THERE ANY LIVE HUMANS SINGING THIS MUSIC?!?!?!
  28. SPOTLIGHT R&B SOLO HOW ON EARTH COULD I EVER HAVE FORGOTTEN THIS?!?!
  29. Also, for real Disney: if all your vocals are going to be autotuned, you could at least autotune them IN TUNE. Ugh.
  30. Such Metaphors. Many symbols.
  31. …none of these classroom interactions are even remotely accurate.
  32. THIS MOVE IS SO OLD THEIR SEARCH ENGINE ISN’T EVEN GOOGLE.
  33. Real talk, high-school theater style: there are NEVER that many people working tech. Never ever. Detention or otherwise.

    Screenshot, Zac Efron with Camel
    Sorry children, you will never have enough help, time, or resources to make your own camel set piece.
  34. How come last time there wasn’t a coach at basketball practice and now Troy’s dad has magically appeared?
  35. Why is Taylor wheeling a suitcase around campus?
  36. …so I can’t be a nerd unless I bite my nails? Guess I never got the memo.
  37. TROY JUST WANTS TO TALK ABOUT HIS FEELINGS, DAD TROY, NOT HAVE A BASKETBALL PEP TALK. LET YOUR SON FEEL HIS FEEELLLSSSSS.
  38. CORBIN BLUE, SUPER SPY!
  39. PSA: Adult  me acknowledges what teen me could not — Troy’s dad is a total DILF.

    Troy and Troy's Dad
    Yeah…I’m not mad.
  40. …in what universe has a public high school ever done a show composed by a student?
  41. How did ballet dude crash offstage while walking?
  42. The interpretive dance duo is all of us — all of us when drunk.
  43. There’s just…so much glitter.
  44. Can we briefly discuss how weird it is to have a brother/sister duo performing a love duet?
  45. DON’T SNAP IF YOU CAN’ SNAP IN TIME, NEWBS.
  46. Quote of the Day: “It’s a crowd favorite — everybody loves a good jazz square.”
  47. I may not know a lot about sportsball, BUT I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANYONE USE THE PHRASE ‘PLAYMAKER’ IN SPORTSBALL-RELATED CONVERSATIONS.
  48. Dear Baby Zefron — please, for the love of God, lip sync better.
  49. HOW ARE YOU READING THE HARMONIES IF YOU’RE NOT LOOKING AT THE FREAKING MUSIC?!?!
  50. Aw, a Punk’d/Ashton Kutcher reference!
  51. Why does Sharpay dress like a Real Housewife of Dallas?

    Sharpay, High School Musical
    The higher the hair, the closer to God!
  52. OH MY FUCKING GOD I CAN’T WITH THE OUT-OF-TUNE AUTOTUNE. MAKING THINGS BE IN TUNE IS LITERALLY THE POINT OF AUTOTUNE.
  53. Of course my fellow fat-girl is the only one who gets to keep her real singing voice. GET IT GIRL.
  54. It’s funny that they have such an obvious stoner in a Disney Channel Original Movie. Yet, here we are.
  55. Can we talk about how they rhymed ‘hip-hop-hooray’ and ‘creme brulee’? Yes, really.
  56. Why did Sharpay catch the fries fry-side down? Like, why didn’t you just drop the fries on the ground, girlfriend?
  57. ‘It just happened…but I liked it.’ ‘Did you ever think there was a whole other person inside of you just waiting to come out?’ IS THIS WHOLE MOVIE A VEILED ALLUSION TO SEXUAL AWAKENING?!?!?
  58. I would say singing in the bathroom isn’t realistic, but sadly adult-me does it at auditions all the time.
  59. DILF THROWING FREE-THROW RELATED SHADE.
  60. Wow, Dad is ruining Troy’s life in so many different ways.
  61. THE ULTIMATE FRIENDSHIP BETRAYAL. LOOK AT THIS DEEP AND MATHEMATICALLY MOTIVATED PLOT TWIST.
  62. I’m sorry, I really can’t get past the out of tune autotune. I know I’ve said it like 12 times BUT IT IS STILL SO RELEVANT.
  63. I do not think this outfit could get more 2000s if it tried.

    Vanessa Hudgens
    The sad thing is, we thought she was really, really cool.
  64. Seriously, Vanessa Hudgens has a railing groping problem.
  65. Mmm, love me a good emotional modulation.
  66. Are there actually 10 events in the scholastic decathlon?
  67. SEE DAD, IF YOU IGNORE TROY’S FEELINGS HE SUCKS AT BASKETBALL. WAY TO SCREW YOURSELF OVER.
  68. Look Ma, bros have feelings too!
  69. Holy shit. Vanessa Hudgens. Velour sweatsuit. Vanessa Hudgens is all of us circa 2006.
  70. Those flip phones, though.
  71. Buckle your seat belts, friends — evil villains be evil!
  72. I want a math cake!
  73. TROY’S DAD FINALLY LET HIM FEEL HIS FEEELLLLSSSSS.
  74. Why is this song now Latin themed?
  75. Is this racist? This feels a little racist.

    Sharpay and Ryan
    Perhaps not racist — just tasteless.
  76. Learn it now sportsballers; math nerds always save the day.
  77. MS. DARBUS THROWING DOWN THE GAUNTLET.
  78. I will never look that put together in a lab coat. For real.
  79. OH NO, STAGE FRIGHT GIRL HAVE STAGE FRIGHT.
  80. If baby composer is playing the piano, how come we can also hear maracas? Is there a hidden maraca player?
  81. Seriously, no public high school could ever afford these set pieces. LED twinkle lights? Puh-lease.
  82. THANK GOD THIS MOVIE IS ALMOST OVER BECAUSE I FREAKING CAN’T WITH THE GOD DAMN AUTOTUNE.
  83. Oh goodie, more out-of-time crowd clap.
  84. Zac Efron should never, ever moonwalk.
  85. Moms everywhere must have been thrilled by V. Hudge’s absurdly long skirt.
  86. WHERE DID ALL THE OTHER INSTRUMENTS COME FROM!?!!!
  87. THERE IS NO MOON FLY IN A HIGH SCHOOL AUDITORIUM, JESUS CHRIST.
  88. Anndddd of course they win the basketball game. Disney coming through with the realistic expectations, as always.
    We're All in This Together
    We’re All in This Together…if we appropriately relish in our milk-toast heteronormativity. Go Wildcats!

     

    — S

Day 86: March 31, 2017

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