So yesterday, I provided a little explainer regarding our Supreme Leader President Trump’s proposed budget. But you see, my friends, I spoke much too soon. According to Trump’s director of the Office of Management and Budget, Mick Mulvaney, this delightful budget plan is both compassionate towards the poor and “a hard-power budget, not a soft-power budget.” While I may have learned that foreign policy grounded in hard-power is a really, really terrible idea in International Relations 101, Mr. Mulvaney and the Trump Administration don’t need to rely on a namby-pamby college education to show them the lay of the land. That education nonsense is for liberal elites like me. You see, Mulvaney and Trump and the rest of their crew know what we should rely on, and what we should rely on is guns. Lots and lots of guns. And also fighter jets! And generally things that go BOOM. And also WOOSH. And things have lots of horsepower but also lots of firepower and also don’t feed people because FEEDING PEOPLE IS FOR THE WEAK.
Mr. Mulvaney is compassionate, because it’s not fair to ask a single mother in Detroit or a coal miner in Kentucky to pay for public radio, but it is totally fair to ask them to pay for defense because WHAT WOULD AMERICA BE WITHOUT ALL OF THE HELICOPTERS AND ALSO ALL OF THE GRENADES AND ALSO ALL OF THE GUNS.
On this St. Patrick’s day, Mr. Mulvaney wants us to know that diplomacy is for pansies, environmental protections undermine the survival of the fittest, and that we don’t need research for curing diseases, because enough good old-fashioned prayer will heal us all, if we have the right kind of luck.
Arts and culture and education and community support and coastal land preservation and environmental regulations and job planning commissions and all that welfare nonsense deserve to be cut BECAUSE WHAT REALLY MATTERS IS THINGS THAT GO BOOM.
Hear that friends? Those BOOMS are the sound of America being really, truly great.
Day 74: March 17, 2017