Today is just one of those days. I have about 50 million thoughts working through my brain and seemingly no ability to pick just one and run with it. This happens to me sometimes. It’s why long-term goals can be so difficult for me to attain. I’m one of those people who works best under pressure. Looming deadlines inspire my best work. Those college term papers of 20 pages or more, the ones we were warned about months in advance? Sure, I did the research in bits and starts, but the actual writing happened the week, if not the day or two before. I’ll never forget the looks of appalled fascination on my friends’ faces as I systematically worked through writing approximately 65 pages of my undergraduate thesis in approximately eight days. I never miss a deadline — that’s something I pride myself on, but I do tend to do my best work just under the wire. For better or worse, my ability to successfully procrastinate with a skill matched by almost none still holds true. And while writing for writing’s sake has been awesome so far, it’s also been hard. It’s hard because there’s so little pressure to do this other than my own desire to be a better version of myself.
Still, I’m making it work. Even when ‘making it work’ it means writing a haiku or 2, or this, a rambling bit of nothingness that serves only to remind me that this will be worth it in the end.
Part of my trouble, I think, it there’s just so many things I genuinely care about. There’s so many topics I want to explore. Choosing between them is a struggle. These days, it’s also hard not to get mired down in the realities of our world. In the politics and absurdities and struggles. There’s only so many days I can rail against the injustices of the world without everyone saying ‘enough!’
So today, I decided to ramble, and it feels really good. It’s part of what I pledged to do here, after all.
Day 51: February 21, 2017